


Loved

by the_space_ace



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, i guess, phil isnt the nicest in this one, sorry - Freeform, ventfic, wilbur is the 'disappointment' of the family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:26:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28083894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_space_ace/pseuds/the_space_ace
Summary: Phil was disappointed in him and he didn't even try to hide it.
Relationships: Wilbur Soot & Phil Watson
Comments: 3
Kudos: 69





	Loved

Wilbur knew, to some capacity, that his father loved him simply because it was his father and there wasn’t an inch of hatred in that man’s heart. He knew his father loved him, it was the sort of fact that was understood yet not felt. It was so hard to try and feel that love when it’s overshadowed by disappointment. Disappointment so strong that it was suffocating, coating nearly every conversation and interaction.

Wilbur remembered vividly the day he first felt the disappointment, when he knew his father was unhappy with him. It was when he came home with his first sub 80 grade on a report card. It was a C+, the sort of grade he knew some of his friends would kill to have. It just wasn’t enough for Phil, though. Because his kids were smart and they studied. His kids didn’t get anything below a B.

But Wilbur did.

That C+ was the end of everything, really. It’s what kept Wilbur up, wondering why on earth did he have to be so stupid (a rational part of his brain knew he wasn’t, but it didn’t matter if his father couldn’t understand that).

And when Wilbur told Phil he was going to university to study music? Things didn’t get any better. Hell, they got exponentially worse.

Every holiday, Wilbur would come home and the way Phil looked at him was painful. It was like Wilbur had betrayed him, committed some heinous act against the family name. Phil didn’t give that look to Tommy and he definitely didn’t give that look to Techno.

Why would he?

Techno was perfect! Where Wilbur failed, Techno succeeded. He’d kept his perfect grades, getting on every honor roll he could. Almost all of his free time was spent either studying or at practice. Phil would do everything he could to help him out; his curfew was later than Wilbur’s (even though they were the same age) and he’d be given anything if he even hinted at wanting it. It all paid off, though, because he graduated as valedictorian and got himself a scholarship.

Wilbur used to be on the same level as Techno, used to match his grades easily. But things started getting worse and many of the subjects that used to be so simple no longer made sense. Wilbur fell and had to watch as Techno continued without him, had to watch as Techno quickly became the favorite.

Tommy was following the same path as Techno, it seemed. He was being the perfect son for Phil. His grades were just as phenomenal as Techno’s and he was enrolled in far too many extracurriculars. Phil would praise him for being in theater (something Wilbur was criticized for) and go to every show. 

It was difficult to come home and immediately feel like the disappointment after being surrounded by people who endlessly supported him. Because at uni, Wilbur had friends who’d help him improve his music. He had friends who loved his music and constantly reminded him that it was something worth working on. There was Niki, Fundy, Eret, Fundy’s boyfriend and the people that would stick around that green bastard. They all gave him the support and validation he never got from his father.

His father never failed to make Wilbur feel like shit without ever saying anything. It all lied in the implications. Like when Phil never came to one of Wilbur’s first performances (despite knowing full well the specifics of the event). He never said anything, but when Wilbur looked in the crowd and didn’t spot his father, the message was clear. He didn’t support this, didn’t want to humor Wilbur in any way. Or when Phil didn’t show up to Wilbur’s graduation from university, instead choosing to take Tommy and Techno to see a play. Tommy had sent pictures and Phil looked happier than Wilbur’d seen in years.

(He was happier without Wilbur and Wilbur hated that he didn’t try to hide it.)

It was another holiday when things came to a head. Wilbur didn’t know who started the argument, but very suddenly his father was bringing up his education and his career. The topic was breached without any grace, Wilbur forced to go along with it so his father wouldn’t completely drag his pride through the mud.

Wilbur didn’t want to argue that night. He wanted to pretend that things were fine and that he was going to spend a peaceful Christmas with his family. But being the family failure didn’t allow for simple holidays, now did it?

“Wil, I know that you can do better, I’ve seen you do better-”

“Just say you’re disappointed in me.”

“I-you know I’m not disappointed in you, Wil, I could never be-” The stutter and shakiness to his father’s usually steady voice was really all the confirmation Wilbur could need. Phil didn’t have to say it out loud, never had to admit to it. His unsure denial said more than anything ever could.

“You don’t have to lie to me.”

His father said nothing and Wilbur’s stomach turned.

“You could’ve been so much and then you- and then you threw it away! You got a degree that’s nothing more than just a damned piece of paper while your brothers are out there doing something with their lives! They’re going to have a future while you sit around and chase some unreachable dream. Wil, you know I love your music-”

“You called it useless.”

“Because it is! It’s not going to get you anything!”

Wilbur could feel the tears building up in his eyes and they blurred his father’s face (a small mercy because his face was devoid of any love or actual care, only full of misplaced anger and painful pity). “Just call me the disappointment so I can leave.”

“God, not this again-”

“You know it, I know it, Techno knows it, Tommy knows it, so just say it. Stop lying to me and admit it. Admit that you’ve never been proud of me since middle school. Please, dad, quit the bullshit.”

“So we’re swearing now?”

“Really? You’re ignoring everything I said?”

Phil sighed and ran his hands through his hair. “You went off to uni and lost every sense of respect you had.”

“I can’t handle this.” Wilbur gathered his coat from where it sat on the back of a chair, slipping it on as quick as he could. He hoped his car keys were in the pocket, hoped he didn’t have anything important lying around. “I’m going.”

“Seriously? It’s Christmas, Wil, you can't just leave because you’re upset.”

“I’m not just upset Dad. Because you just-you’ve just given me years and years of feeling inadequate and of feeling less and not enough. I tried so fucking hard for you to love me the same way you used to, but you won’t. Because I’m not gonna be a doctor or an engineer or a lawyer. I’m not gonna be Techno. All I am is the mistake. I started struggling and instead of helping me, you blamed me.”

Wilbur knew he was crying now. He’d lost all of his energy and was left with frustration, feeling that built up over time and kept him choked. It was overwhelming to finally spill what had been on his mind. The relief of finally knowing that his dad would understand how he made Wilbur feel. Maybe he would finally get that he was doing more harm than good, maybe even try and patch things up.

“Now you’re just being ridiculous. I did all I could to make sure you became successful. I made sure you were clothed, made sure you never went hungry, gave you access to an education, and now you’re saying I didn’t do enough?”

The disbelief that Wilbur felt was immediate, leaving him feeling helpless and lost. His father wasn’t listening. He wasn’t listening and he was taking this conversation away from where it needed to be. Because he couldn’t ever assess his faults. Apparently, Phil didn’t have any faults. If anything was wrong, then Wilbur was to blame.

“That’s not what I’m saying and you know it.”

“I’ve always wanted what’s best for you! And for you to get your best, you needed to get grades and study something useful! But you couldn’t do that! You couldn’t do the one thing I asked from you! And do you even know how selfish that is!”

The choked sob that was ripped from Wilbur’s throat echoed around the room. It left Wilbur wanting to curl up, wishing for the dam to finally break so he could cry freely. He couldn’t. He couldn’t because he was in front of his father, a man he hadn’t been able to feel emotionally vulnerable in front of for years. “I did everything for you, Dad. I just wanted you to love me again and you couldn’t do that.”

Wilbur didn’t wait for a response (he really didn’t want to hear one) and left his childhood home, hopping into his car and sitting there. He sat there and let himself cry, let himself exhaust all his tears so he could drive away. Drive away from there, far from his father and far from his brothers.


End file.
